Don't Leave
by my sister's loom
Summary: takes place season 12 just after Mary leaves. Dean tries to deal with it the only way he knows how, drinking, alone. That is until his guardian angel shows up...


_Ok Dean and Cassie (cause I just love them so much!) things get a bit hot and heavy so really if you shouldn't be looking at Dean's favorite type of magazines then you probably shouldn't be reading this story. You've been warned._

How many drinks had it been? Dean had no idea, nor did he really care. His head was fuzzy and his body felt heavy as he grabbed the half empty bottle of whiskey and sank down to the kitchen floor. The hunter took a hard swig from the bottle as he sat defeated on the floor, there was no sting in his throat yet his eyes began to water. His head raced with the thoughts he was trying his damnedest to silence. 'Why does everyone leave?' the thought rang out in his head.

Dean had finally gotten his mother back, this should be the happiest time of their lives, for both, and Sam. Yet here he was, alone and drunk on the kitchen floor. It was somewhere he was used to being, below everyone else, and alone. As the tear threaten to leave his eyes he tries to push the thoughts of his wayward mother out of his head and focus on the person who had always been there for him; Sammy.

As Dean's mind starts playing back a montage of memories it stops at the moment him and his brother were in heaven, more specifically Sam's heaven. Dean takes another had swing with eyes closed tight as he remembers that Sam's happiest time was when he left for Stanford, leaving Dean. It seemed everyone was happier when they walked away from him, Chuck knows sure as hell that Lisa and Ben were happier without him. Sammy would have been fine if he had left him alone at Stanford with Jes, he probably would have been some big shot lawyer with some bratty (ok probably really cute) kids at this point. No Lucifer, no demon blood, no crap.

Then there was Dad, yea Dean screwed that one up. He always wanted to be the perfect son for his father. He fallowed orders like a good littler soldier, and what had it gotten him? Dad always liked Sam better, it was fine Sam was his own man and as much as it bothered John, Dean knew that John respected that more than he ever respected Dean. When Dean went back in time and meet his mom though, damn he thought, that's where he got it from. His mom was a hunter through and through, yet his memories of her when she was his mother, she was soft. He had this fantasy that he was like his mother, that the way he saw her was the way Sammy saw him. Tough, strong but in the way, you needed to be to love someone and support them. He had really been the one to raise Sam so why was it so crazy to want Sam to look at him almost like a parent?

These thoughts hit Dean had and he shakily lifted the bottle up to his lips and took two hard swigs remembering Mary's face as she left. She hated him, she hated the hunter he had become. Dean had this crazy thought that his mother was going to embrace him and tell him how proud she was, how he had done well and was one of the best hunters she had ever seen, make family dinners after a hunt and he'd have it all. He'd have a family of more than just him and Sam in crappy motel rooms. Mary sure shattered those dreams pretty much the second he formulated them.

A tear slipped pasted Dean's eyes and rolled down his cheek causing him to flare up in anger, he through his now almost empty bottle of whiskey across the kitchen as he aggressively whipped the tear away.

"Dean…" the voice was low and rough, very familiar. The way it his name rolled off the speaker's tongue made Dean shutter. How long had the angel been there? Dean just let his head hang down defeated looking at the ground. He heard the angel's footsteps getting closer but the hunter made no movement.

"Dean." The voice was closer right in front of him. The way the angel spoke his name was more aggressive now, as if he was trying to will Dean away from his thoughts.

Dean slowly raised his head to see Castiel crouched down right in front of him, looking at him with those damn blue eyes full of concern. Dean wasn't sure what face he made when he looked up at Cas but whatever it was it caused the angel to lower himself more and sit directly across from and settling in a more comfortable position.

"I'm sorry Dean." Cas let out the words hold heavy in the air. Dean looked at the angel utterly confused, why was he apologizing. "I would have been here sooner, I didn't realize…" Castiel trailed off not sure how to finish the statement he started.

"Realize what? That getting abandoned by my dead mother would fuck me up this much?" Dean snapped curtly, fists clenched. Damn he wanted to hit something, hell he wanted to kill something. He just wanted to get in baby and drive off and find the nearest thing that goes bump in the night and beat the shit out of it. Cas reached out a tentative hand but stopped leaving his hand hovering in the space between them, his eyes full of hurt.

"Fuck. Cas… I" Dean began letting out a hard sigh and running a hand through his hair looking down not being able to meet the angel's eyes any longer. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It's just-" he trailed off again and risked looking up into the angel's eyes with a pleading look painted across his own face.

"It is fine Dean." Cas took the hint and cut off his friend, placing a firm hand on Dean's shoulder. "I understand it is not me you are mad at" The angel spoke so calm and affirmative. His eyes full of understanding, and love. The weight of all the emotions Dean was feeling seemed to wash over him like a tidal wave, he was being drowned and couldn't come up for air. He fell forward into Cas's arms. Though the angel was a bit caught off guard he quickly responded wrapping his arms around the broken hunter's body pulling him closer. Cas felt Dean's hard shaky breathing as he gripped tightly onto Cas's coat.

"I'm here Dean." Cas spoke softly as if trying to sooth a frighten animal as he tightens his grip on Dean who was shaking at this point.

"You're always here aren't you man?" Dean mumbled into the angel's chest. It was a rhetorical question, Dean knew the answer. Ever since the angel pulled him out of hell Cas had been there. When Dean hurt him, pushed him away, Cas was there. Always. How had Dean not noticed? The only person that could stand to stay with him, that wanted to be here with him wasn't even a person. For fuck sakes, no human would stand to be with him without it breaking them, even his guardian angel needed a break now and then, but he always came back.

"I always will be Dean." Cas's voice was so matter of fact, it was as if he was simply saying that the earth was round. It was a statement that seemed almost silly to say because it should be so well known, an absolute truth. At the sound of the statement and the feel of Cas's all around him Dean shifted more into the angel's arms and looked up at him. The angel's eyes bore deep into Dean's soul causing the hunter to pause but only for a moment before the alcohol kicked in and erased his nerves. Dean closed the small space between himself and Cas's lips. It was rash, impulsive, but it felt right, safe, like coming home.

"I love you" Dean murmured against Cas's lips. It just slipped out before Dean even knew what he was saying. Maybe it was the emotions of getting his mother back just to lose her again (this time by her own choice), or perhaps it was the almost bottle of whiskey he had to drink early. Hell, maybe it was all the memories that were playing in his mind and how alone he had always felt till he had Castiel literally hold his soul. Dean wanted that feeling back. The feeling of someone holding him close and treating him like the most precious thing they have ever held. Dean had that feeling when Cas held him, it was faint not as strong as when Cas held onto his actual soul, but that kiss, it was almost there. Almost.

Dean pushed up against Cas even more, capturing his lips again, needing to be closer to the angel. Needing to feel something more than the ever so present void in his chest. Dean's hand grasped tightly at the angel's trench coat not letting him move away.

"Dean" Cas finally breaks their mouths apart but just enough to speak, their foreheads are pressed against each other, Dean is practically sitting in Cas's lap still holding on to the trench coat as if he let it go Cas would disappear, like everyone else. Dean slowly starts to straighten up removing his head from being pressed up against Cas's. Hearing his name brought Dean back to reality, back to being broken, and drunk on the kitchen floor, back to being alone. Except he wasn't alone, he was still holding on to Cas he was also holding on to him. Had Dean just confessed his long-suppressed love for the angel? The hunter's head began to spin as his eyes darted frantically across the angel's face trying to figure out what he was thinking.

"It's alright Dean." Cas whispered softly leaning forward and placing a feather light kiss on Dean's cheek. "I'm not going anywhere." Those words caused Dean's heart to start racing. He was unsure of that he had just gotten himself into, what door he opened and could never close. He wanted more than anything to just turn his brain off and be in the angel's arms safe and sound. As if Cas was reading Dean's mind the angel pulled him close letting the hunter's head rest against his chest, Dean sat in the angel's lap sideways settling into those strong arms.

"I meant what I said" Dean finally whispered as he played with a bit of the fabric of the trench coats arm. "I do…" he trailed off unsure if he could repeat the word. All the people he ever told he loved left him, but then again Cas wasn't a person, maybe an angel could handle being loved by him.

"I know Dean. I love you too." Cas's voice had a soothing effected on Dean, the words washed over him as hands went still and he relaxed in the angel's arms. He loved Dean. Not only was Cas there, he loved the hunter. It was more then he could have ever hoped for. Dean felt a slight pressure on top of his head and when he turned his face upwards he was greeted by Castiel's lips since apparently, he had been placing a kiss on top of the hunter's head. This kiss was soft, and warm. There was no hesitation, no fear, it was all love. Dean felt as if his heart would leap out of his chest, like his soul was on fire, but not in the burning in hell damnation that it had been, this was different. It left like when Cas had finally reached the hunter and pulled him from hell. It was warm, it was safe.

Dean grew bolder and began to bite at Cas's lower lip causing a slight moan to escape the angel's mouth which Dean took full advantage of darting his tongue into the other man's mouth. Cas pulled Dean up closer making him turn so he was straddling the angel. Cas ran his hands through the man's short hair as he kissed back hungrily. Cas had never felt something so pure and passionate. True he had held the hunter's soul once upon a time, but so much had happened since then, and now he knew this human. He also knew what it was like to be human, he knew passion, love, and lust, but never had he had all those feelings and had all those feelings being directed to him at once by the person he loved. It was intoxicating.

Cas was completely emerged in all things Dean Winchester. Dean tasted like whiskey and salt, he had the faint smell of gunpowder mixing with said whiskey and a pleasant musk, his thighs strong and on either side of the angel's. Dean moaned softly as Cas continued kissing taking control, pushing the hunter down and laying on top of him planting kisses all over his face, then moving down to his neck and chest, pulling up his shirt so he could kiss the bare flesh.

Dean's head was spinning, suddenly, he was laying on the floor with the angel on top of him, how had Dean lost control over this situation? He was the experienced one, and yet the lack of control, the way the angel was soft and assertive relaxed Dean. He felt the angel pulling up his shirt reveling his midsection and placing kisses along the hem of his jeans and then back up his chest as far as the shirt would go up till Cas came back and captured Dean's lips again and pulled him to sitting up again only long enough to push off the flannel shirt and only breaking the kiss to rip the t-shirt over Dean's head, then Cas pushed him back down on the cold tile of the kitchen floor kissing him hungrily. Hands ran along Dean's muscular torso as Dean's own hands gripped at Cas's back and bumped into his wings startling them both for a moment, Dean's eyes flickered open and glanced at the once ominous wings that were now tattered, feathers skewed, bones showing, a slight pain in flashed in Dean's eyes. Cas stopped kissing the hunter and looked concerned at his face as Dean hesitantly moved one of his hands to stroke the wing closest to it. A small shutter ran though Cas's body as he closed his eyes a bit his lower lip.

"I even broke an angel…" Dean whisper's the realization crushing him and taking him out of the blissful bubble Cas had gotten him in that was just the two of them together and happy. Dean's voice was pained and tears threatened his eyes. How long would Cas really stay with him? Would he stay till it destroyed him, that's how things went for Dean. People he loved left, one way or another.

"Dean, you didn't break me. I fell." Cas spoke softly cupping the hunter's face in his hand forcing the man to look at him in the eyes instead of at the damaged wings.

"Because of me…" Dean crocked out. This caused a smile to cross the angel's lips which caused Dean to feel unsettled.

"For, Dean, not because. I fell for you, so I fell from heaven." Cas spoke smoothly stroking the hunter's cheek with his thumb before leaning down and reclaiming Dean's lips. "I'd chose you over heaven again and again, always Dean." Cas whispered into the hunter's ear causing a slight shiver to course through his body as he kissed at the angel's neck.

Cas took the kisses as a sign that he had silenced the hunter's fears and began to nibble at his ear, then Cas trailed down Dean's neck and moved to his lips hovering over them and taking the moment to stare into the hunter's eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of green, gold flecks danced in them and Cas could stare at them always. Cas felt Dean squirm a little under him, slowly Cas sat up still straddling the shirtless man but putting some distance between their faces.

"Cas…" Dean started but trailed off lifting a hand up to the angel's face and stopping before he reached it. As Dean went to let the hand fall heavy by his side Cas grabbed it and pulled it to his face placing a kiss on it then laying it against his cheek. The angel let out a soft hum and closed his eyes at the contact still holding the hunters hand in place, though Dean was not resisting and even stroked his thumb across the stubble that covered Cas's cheek.

"Dean I have spent many life times in heaven, and it was wonderful" Cas spoke softly eyes still closed as he relished in the touch of the other man. "It was soft, easy, I questioned nothing, I fallowed orders, and I was happy."

The words hit Dean like a ton of breaks, Cas was happy before him. Dean tried to pull his hand away but the angel held onto it keeping it in place but the attempt at the movement caused Cas's eyes to flash open, endless seas of blue meet green.

"Though I have been around since before man walked I have never been in love, or loved. Until I saved you." Cas cleared his throat letting go of the hunter's hand which slowly fell to his side, but Dean's gaze never waived and he held his breath waiting for the angel to go on, praying for him to continue.

"Love is… messy" Cas continued squinting at the hunter as if he was trying to explain something he himself didn't understand. Dean scoffed a little, 'messy' is an understatement especially when it came to him, it was practically deadly to love a Winchester. "But it is worth everything. It's why humans are superior to angels, to everything. The way they love, the way the fight for it. I never want to be without it again." Cas's eyes shined with a mixture of love and fear and look Dean himself has worn to many times.

Dean slowly sat up but held Cas in place on his lap and pulled him close. "I need you Castiel." The hunter choked out into the crock of the angel's neck.

"And I you Dean Winchester, my righteous man." Cas replied cupping the man's chin with one hand tilting it upwards to place a soft kiss on his lips. Dean let out a small chuckle and was still grinning when Cas kissed him, the smile reached his eyes which was a very rare thing to see.

"How long?" Dean asked running a hand down the middle of the angel's back avoiding his wings. Cas tilted his head to the side questioning Dean. "Have you felt this way." Dean offered up the end of the question meeting the angel's gaze.

"Ever since I touched your soul Dean. Though you were quite irritating and it took me awhile to realize I was in love with you, but since that day in hell I belonged to you." A smirk crossed Cas's lips and by Chuck if it wasn't the sexiest expression Dean had ever seen.

"Irritating?" Dean questioned his own smirk dancing on his face as he stared at his angel. Cas let out a soft sigh but that smirk didn't leave his face.

"Insufferable really." Cas corrected himself the smirk reaching all the way up to his eyes that seemed to twinkle with mischief as well. Dean was wrong, that was the sexiest look he had ever seen on anyone, and it was directed towards him. He couldn't help himself anymore and closed the gap between their two smirking lips, pushing Cas off him well simultaneously pulling of the angel's trench coat. Cas ran his hands through the hunter's short blond hair as the man feverously fought with the buttons on the angel's shirt. Once Dean finally ridded Cas of his shirt and tie Dean pushed him down on the cool tile and took the position the angel had just moments before. This time Dean was going to be in charge.

Slowly Dean kissed down Castiel's bare torso. The hunter could hear Cas's breathing get rougher as he made his way to the hem of the angel's pants. Dean ran a playful tongue on the bare skin above the pants then kissed up the angel's hip bones as a small whimper escaped Cas's mouth.

"Insufferable?" Dean questioned with a sly grin as he hovered over the angel's lips. Cas bit down on his lower lip eyes locked with the hunters as he tentatively raised his hand to cup around the hunter's neck and pull him down for a kiss. Dean obliged with no resistance and pushed his tongue deep into the angel's mouth causing a moan to escape from Cas's lips as he pulled the man closer and down on top of him. Bare flesh against bare flesh, hands human and angel groping at each other. Dean felt his pants being tugged down past his hips, his boxers going along with them. Cas was back in the driver's seat. Castiel flipped Dean over so he was under the angel once again.

"Yes Dean. You are still insufferable, the amount I love you is excruciating." Cas spoke in a rough low voice as he captured the hunter's lips again refusing to let the man respond. Cas's trailed one hand down the hunter's body slowly, lingering at his abs, then his hips, moving from hip to inner thigh, all the while holding the hunter's face with his other hand and kissing him hungrily. Hesitantly Cas moved his hand to feel Dean's member, which to the angel's relief was rock hard. Slowly Cas moved his hand up and down the shaft causing the hunter to moan into the angel's mouth. Cas broke the kiss only to begin kissing and sucking on the hunter's neck and letting his hand go to work on Dean's cock.

"I love you Dean Winchester." Cas whispered firmly into the hunter's ear as and then began to kiss down his chest till reaching his throbbing member. Cas slid Dean's dick into his mouth and gingerly moved his tongue around it. This caused the hunter to jerk slightly and thrust deeper into the angel's mouth who just sucked tighter running his hands along the hunter's well-toned body.

"Fuck… Cas" Dean moaned out thrusting more against the angel's mouth and arching his back. Sex was not a new sensation for the hunter, and this wasn't even full blown sex (excuse the pun) but it was better than anything he had ever had. Cas was so attentive to every little movement Dean made and the way the angel moved his tongue and hands Dean could barely catch his breath. The hunter let out another deep moan as he pulled at Cas's hair pushing his mouth down further to the base of Dean's cock.

Cas eagerly complied taking all of Dean into his mouth grabbing at the hunter's hips as he rocked rhythmically into the angel's mouth. As Dean's thrusts speed up so did Cas, keeping in time perfectly as the hunter clutched tight to the angel's hair pulling him as close as he cold Dean thrusted hard one last time as he came into the angel's mouth. Every muscle in the hunter's body began to relax as Cas slowly pulled away from the hunter's spent member to swallow then go back and kiss up the entirety of the hunter. Cas stopped at the hunter's face, Dean's eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy but the smile on his face of one of pure bliss, Cas placed one last soft kiss onto the hunter's cheek and then Cas felt the strong arm pull him down so he was laying half on top of the hunter half on the cool tile floor. Dean buried his face into the angel's hair pulling him into his chest. The hunter inhaled the scent of his angel basking in everything that made him Castiel and let out a soft sigh.

"Was that satisfactory?" Cas questioned timidly as he propped himself up on one arm to look at the Winchester's face.

"No Cas, that was…awesome." Dean opened his eyes beaming at the angel and pulled his face closer kissing him passionately. When they broke apart Cas was grinning at his accomplishment at pleasing the man. Dean pulled Cas back close to his side so the angel's head was laying on the hunter's chest and Cas could hear the beat of Dean's heart. They laid like this for quite a while in silence Dean stroking Cas's hair with on hand as Cas played and interlocked his fingers with Dean's free hand.

"You're never going to leave, right Cas?" Dean's voice crashed the silence. It was spoken barely audibly and shakily. Dean was fighting back the fear that came when something seemed to be going right, the Winchester curse; when something good happens something horrible is about to come and take it away. This, being with Cas, was the best damn thing that has ever happened to the Winchester, that had to mean something worse than hell was about to blind side him.

"Dean I will be here as long as you want me, and when you don't want me I will be watching over you." Cas replied calmly nuzzling into the hunter's chest feeling the uncontrollable urge to sleep even though he no longer need to. Something about being wrapped up in Dean and felling protected by him made the angel want to stop everything and just be in that moment.

"Cas… I… I love you." Dean choked out, now more sober then he was before it seemed harder to say those words. Cas simply nodded into the hunter's chest and squeezing his hand reassuringly.

Dean relaxed and closed his eyes stroking the angel's hair, the warmth of Cas still shirtless pressed up against Dean's own naked body was a nice contrast to the tile of the kitchen floor. It had been a long day. Dean had go through more emotions today then in his entire life, or at least that's how it felt to the emotionally stunted man. Slowly Dean drifted off to sleep right there on the kitchen floor with this angel tightly in his arms.

"For Christ sake!" Sam's screams woke up Dean and caused Cas to snap out of whatever weird dream like state angels' have. Sam's hands flew up to his face covering his eyes. "Dean put on some damn cloths!" Sam screamed again as he tried to walk out of the kitchen without uncovering his face to only bump into a table and curing more.

Dean turned bright red as Cas lazily handed the hunter his pants seeming unaffected by the fact that the younger Winchester had just caught them asleep on the floor in the kitchen and it wouldn't take a detective to put the pieces together about what had happened the night before.

"Why?!" Sam almost whined and yelled. Cas tilted his head looking back and forth between the two brothers not sure if he should answer the question or what Sam was referring to. Dean stood up with his pants on, but to Cas's delight still shirtless and placed a hand on his younger brother's shoulder causing Sam to flinch as if Dean had punched him. Slowly Sam moved his hands and opened his eyes.

"I'm happy for you two really… just not in the kitchen Dean please" Sam chocked out and looked at his brother with a mix of horror and puppy dog eyes. Dean just smiled sheepishly as he reached a hand back towards Cas who was sitting on the floor where they were both laying moments before and flooding their discarded clothes. Cas looked up at took the hunter's hand and was gently guided to his feet. Cas still wasn't sure what he was supposed to do but Dean seemed to take charge and just lead the confused angel out of the kitchen into the hall towards the hunter's room.

"No guarantees Sammy!" Dean called out over his shoulders he opened his bed room door ushering the angel inside and closing the door behind him. Sam just stood in the kitchen stunned and scarred.

 _Thanks so much for reading! I'd appropriate any feedback you guys have to give. If you like what I write give me some words or ideas of new stories to keep me motivated, if you don't like what I write tell me why and how you think I can do better. 3_


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